Harmon is eight months old today and I can't believe it. I know everyone says this but it seems like just yesterday we brought him home. When we came home, we were clueless, new parents and now, it's amazing, we kind of know what we're doing!I was rocking him last night and thinking about the last eight months and how they've changed our lives forever. In particular, I was thinking about how I've changed. When I was pregnant the first time, I remember being flat-out scared. It was a surprise I wasn't ready for and when I had the miscarriage just a few days later I felt so guilty. I thought maybe I was being punished for not feeling happy and excited. The second time around, I couldn't wait to see that positive pregnancy test because that loss made me want a child so much more.
Throughout my entire pregnancy, I worried about the kind of mother I would be. I am the oldest child and there is seven years between me and my middle sister so I've always been a little spoiled and Kevin has continued that as he treats me like a princess. I worried that I wouldn't be able to compromise or, in some case, give up the things I loved in lieu of this little baby on the way. I worried that I wouldn’t love him enough or that I wouldn't protect him enough. I worried that I couldn't do enough to make him smart and successful and, most of all, I worried that I would taint him in some way. But now, eight months later, I am so pleasantly surprised at the mother I've become. I know part of it is instinct but there is so much more to it than that.
Harmon is a dream of a baby. He's so happy, easy going and laid back. He slept through the night right away and is a fantastic eater. He rarely has any tantrums (outside of screaming contests with Mom and Dad) and he smiles at everyone. He adjusts to new things wonderfully, usually with a smile. After all the horror stories I've heard from other people, I feel so lucky to have such a good baby (I think I'm finally believing what everyone tells me).
The most rewarding part, though, is that when I walk into a room, his entire face just lights up. He will smile ear to ear and even giggle with glee at the sight of me. I also love when he reaches for me or, when in the right mood, even will give me hugs. It is so awesome to experience this, to know that he loves me that much.
Not too long ago, he was this totally needy little creature. Now, he has his own personality. He hates to be kissed and he hates when you take his favorite toys away from him. He snuggles when he wants to and he lets you know when he's had enough. He has all these expressions and all these sounds flow from his mouth. It's so sweet to see him blossoming into his own person.
But, not a day goes by when I don't miss him at two months or four months or even six months. I want him to need me forever in the way he needs me now. I forever want to rock him to sleep and listen to him coo and feel his little breathe on my neck. I know I can't stop him from getting older and I know I should live in the present and enjoy every moment (I try to) because, before I know it, he'll be eight YEARS old instead of eight MONTHS old.
I remember all my "mom" friends telling me that being a mother is the best thing in the whole world but I never really thought about it until I became one myself. And now, after eight months which appear to be on fast forward, I totally agree. Being Harmon's mom is the best thing in the whole world!
To see Harmon in action, check out all the hard work Kevin did last night getting videos uploaded.
